John 2:1-11; Ephesians 5:22-32
Epiphany 2
✠ In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit ✠
God’s good gift of marriage has always been under assault. Right from the beginning Satan subverted the marital order of husband and wife by luring Eve to turn away from the Word of God which Adam had preached to her. Division and self-orientation tainted marital unions from then on. The assault on marriage can even happen under the guise of religion. In medieval times those who rejected married life and the one flesh sexual union were honored–monks and priests and nuns were held up as leading a higher and holier life than those who embraced ordinary, earthy things like marriage. Today, our problem tends to be falling into the ditch on the other side of the road, where people take pride in their supposed freedom of sexual expression and doing what they want with their bodies. But it’s still the same root issue: marriage is thought of as non-essential. Maybe it’s a nice cultural practice if you want to, celebrate the couple and have a big reception, but in the end just a piece of paper for legal purposes. (And of course, if getting married means legally losing financial benefits, well then, skip the wedding. Money trumps matrimony.)
Whether you’re on the prudish side of things where you think celibacy gives you some supposedly higher state of holiness before God, or whether you’re on the libertine side of things where you just follow your heart and sleep with someone you’re not married to, in the end it’s two sides of the same coin. In both cases, it’s the same sin: degrading and casting aside God’s gift of marriage. “No thanks, God, I’ve got a better way.”
However, in today’s Gospel we see that Jesus approves of marriage and blesses it and the sexual relationship within it as good. Marriage is not just a human arrangement. It’s a divine joining together of a man and a woman, an act of God making two people one flesh. That’s why it’s called holy matrimony. Don’t ever forget that God created marriage and joined Adam and Eve together before the fall into sin. He’s the One who created us male and female. God instituted this for the mutual delight and companionship of husbands and wives, and for the creation of new human life when He grants it. So whether you’re married or single, God teaches you in His Word to honor marriage highly, especially in how you talk about it with friends and family and co-workers. Raunchy joking about sex does not honor marriage. Belittling your spouse does not honor marriage. Talking about marriage as if it’s this burdensome prison that limits your freedom doesn’t honor marriage. Rather, we should remember and emphasize the great good that God works through this holy estate.
First of all, in marriage (as in all our vocations) God works to protect us from selfishness. He places a flesh and blood spouse directly before our eyes, with specific and real needs. God calls us out of a self-absorbed life that invents its own good works into a devoted life that takes care of the spouse He has given. A husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church and sacrificed Himself for her. That’s why if a husband is complaining that his wife is hard to deal with or that she’s not “meeting his needs,” he needs to quit whining and man up. Your job is not primarily to be a receiver but a giver, sacrificing yourself for her. It’s time to focus on how to draw her to yourself again. And likewise, if a wife is lamenting that her husband is not turning out to be the man she hoped he would be, she should remember that God’s call to respect her husband is not dependent on how romantic or patient or communicative he’s been lately. Honor him as your head as the church honors Christ. With a gentle spirit, don’t give up looking for him to be the man God has called him and declared him to be. It is God’s intent that through this mutual self-giving, His people would be built up and that self-orientation would be put down.
Secondly, in marriage God works to protect us from lust. The book of Proverbs consistently refers to sexual enticements, pornographic enticements, as one of the chief ways in which people are led into ruin. In marriage God seeks to protect us from the destructiveness of lust. St. Paul counsels all who suffer from lust to marry, for this is God’s good and gracious provision for rendering proper affection one to the other. This is also one of the reasons why Paul counsels spouses not to withhold themselves from each other for lengthy periods of time. One of God’s blessings in marriage is the dampening and controlling of lust.
Thirdly, through marriage God works to rescue us from doubt. How can we be certain that we have chosen the right partner? Through marriage God guards against such doubt by giving you the certainty that He is the One who married you to your spouse; that person is the one the Lord Himself has given you to love and to be committed to, even if they’re less than perfect. And what the Lord has done stands far above any feelings you may or may not have or any later wondering whether you should have chosen differently. Reject the pagan notion of a soul mate! A man and woman may in freedom choose to marry each other, but what really and finally counts is that it is the Lord who unites them, working through the authorities that He has established. In this way God protects marriage from doubt with the certainty that He is the One who has made the union.
Fourthly, in marriage God seeks to protect us from loneliness. Through the working of the devil, the world, and our own sinful flesh, we can easily become isolated and cut off, waiting for that perfect person, living in a world of books and screens rather than flesh and blood. In marriage God is at work to protect us from that. When it is His will, He gives us a companion for comfort and camaraderie in life. In the Garden of Eden, God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” Adam received Eve as the God-given companion that brought them both completeness. Such is God’s intention for marriage also today.
Fifthly, in marriage God seeks to protect us from the delusion of self-sufficiency. We tend to think that we can do just fine on our own apart from God. Without the calling of serving a spouse in marriage (or serving our neighbor in any of our vocations), sinners would perceive even less need for God. When husband and wife fail each other, as is bound to happen, God puts His law to work. He confronts their spiritual self-reliance; He afflicts their consciences. In this way God drives them back to Himself, to find forgiveness, strength, and hope in Christ. Confession and Absolution, the preaching of the Gospel, and the Body and Blood of Christ become their lifeblood, making them right with God and able to serve each other again.
Finally, through marriage God is at work to create and preserve families and good order in society. When God established and blessed marriage He said, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.” Through that creative word, God blesses the union of husband and wife so that children are conceived and born. There is no such thing as a Christian marriage that is purposely childless. This is also why same-sex marriage simply does not exist in God’s sight. The complementarity of male and female is essential to what marriage is. Every child has a father and a mother–and needs a father and a mother who are joined and committed to each other. God’s purpose in marriage is for husband and wife to serve not only each other but also to have children whom they provide for and protect and nurture in the training and instruction of the Lord. Founded upon God’s gift of the family, human society can be more peaceably ordered. And this, in turn, gives a good setting for the saving Word of Christ to be proclaimed and taught both in the church and in the home.
All of this is God’s good gift. And all of this is meant to drive us to the greater reality that marriage points to. The fact of the matter is, to one degree or another, all marriages are broken marriages; for it is two sinners who are united, whose only hope is in the forgiveness of sins that comes from Jesus. And whether a Christian is single or married, divorced, widowed, young or old, as members of the Church we all are in a marital relationship that rescues and saves us. For the Church has been united with her holy Groom, Jesus. She is the betrothed of Christ. In the Epistle today Paul spent a lot of time talking about husbands and wives and marriage. And then he concludes his comments by saying, “What I’m really talking about though is Christ and the Church.” Earthly marriage is a sign of the greater perfect love that God has for His people and the heavenly union that exists between them.
From all eternity, before marriage was instituted, it was planned that Christ would lay down His life for His woman, sacrifice Himself for the church, to give her life. Adam was put into a deep sleep, and Eve was created from his side. Jesus was put into the sleep of death on the cross, so that a new Eve might be created from the sacramental blood and water that flowed from His side. St. John calls the church “the elect Lady,” chosen and redeemed by Christ. For Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having any spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. For all of you whom sin has contaminated, or whose marriages and families are broken, Jesus shed His blood to cleanse you of every sin; He sanctified you and made you holy for Himself by the water and the Word of Baptism. You stand before God spotless and perfect in the family of His Church, His holy bride.
Just as husband and wife are given in marriage to become one flesh, so you now you as the church are the body of Christ, one flesh with Him through baptism. So if He is the Son of God, then you are called sons of God. If He holds in His hand the riches and treasures of heaven, those treasures are also yours to hold and take to heart. If He is the Righteous One, then you are declared righteous before God. If the death He dies no longer holds Him in the grave, then neither can death hold you in the grave. The Bride shares in everything that belongs to the Groom. That’s how marriage works with Jesus. What is His is now yours, too.
This is the joy of the eternal wedding feast that we are given a glimpse of in the Gospel. The ritual washing water of the Law is turned into the joyous wedding wine of the Gospel. The best is saved for last, and that best is Jesus–His forgiveness and mercy and life–which are all for you, flowing like sweet wine from the mountains. Even now in Divine Service the heavenly Groom, our Lord Christ, comes to His bride to comfort her. He speaks to you His words of love. He remembers the commitment He made to you at Baptism. He gives Himself to you in Holy Communion that you may share fully in His life.
So set aside your doubts and fears and sorrows. For it is written, “As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” He has saved the best for you. Come in faith to His table, that you may share in the joy of the eternal wedding feast of the Lamb in His kingdom that has no end.
✠ In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit ✠